One day, when he told me, “Yeah, you live in a fantasy world, you should know, you are expected to know….”, it was the last straw. Amanda, a 28-year-old entrepreneur, living in NYC once told me what her then significant other would repeatedly tell her every time she told him to man up. She knows he’s not perfect, she’s not a magician either.
Repetitive behavior patterns eventually lead to abuse if not addressed accordingly. If the pattern involves acts too fallacious, then breaking it should be initiated. Acts that are later on accompanied by sweet talks, cuddles, and promises of new beginnings, however; things run around in a circle of uncertainty.
“Baby, don’t you have any bathroom breaks? I know you’re busy but…. “ Emily, 33, an accountant, would always complain about how her boyfriend of 6 months would tend to ignore her messages, even those that she thinks are to be given immediate consideration. These confrontations usually lead to arguments, and you guessed it right, to sweet lullabies. Emily still thinks that Marlon, her boyfriend, does it on purpose, she doesn’t know for what reason, and somehow, the confrontations only escalate when she brings up her intuitions about him.
Sugar, as she prefers to be called, 37, a nurse, seems to have trouble finding the “right one”. She dated Oliver for almost two years and in the span of their relationship, she’d been called crazy when she would throw “justified tantrums”. Oliver seemed to never share any input into the relationship. He never suggested anything relevant which in turn made Sugar feel like she built the relationship on her own. He never made plans for a simple weekend getaway, Friday night movie marathon, Wednesday “good morning” vibe. She never wanted to appear aggressive and every time she confronted him, he simply says “That’s how I live my life”. The whole issue became a routine until one had to break it.
The foundation of a relationship shouldn’t be based on the amount of time two people have known each other, rather, it’s the realization that building a relationship is an excellent channel for personal growth, overcoming insecurities, for open-ended conversations that entail neutral suggestions, and for breaking patterns that leave one party behind. Differences in values and beliefs shouldn’t appeal less when creating something solid with your partner. The integrity of that foundation is nurtured and with compromise and lessons learned, its sturdiness will remain as a witness to that romance, we are all craving for. No imperfection can ever exist between two beings on the same page.